Vincent is an introspective person and can spend the whole day indoors. Angela is outgoing, outspoken, and the life of the party. She feels tamed and caged when Vincent refrains her from making the rounds at parties, she thinks he is boring. He can’t understand the pleasure she gets from socializing with people.
Sheriff is quick to notice people’s feelings and tries to avoid arguments; he’s basically a peace maker. Tammie is firm minded and takes pleasure in a good argument. She likes analyzing, and persuading with the use of logic. It frustrates her when Sheriff says she doesn’t listen to him when she’s only trying to prove her point.
Rex is practical and pays close attention to details; it is second nature for him to keep careful records of how he spends money, but Record keeping is not so important to Belle, she feels restricted when she has to stop and make note of every transaction, as Rex would prefer.
These couples are dealing with personality differences in their relationships, although the scenarios seem trifling, these differences can affect essential relational components such as compatibility, emotional support, cooperativeness and intimacy. The very traits that originally attracted and drew these couples together can later seem like flaws that need eliminating within the relationship or marriage.
Marriage remains a very important aspect of one’s life and its benefits are innumerable. Your level of preparedness before indulging in it determines how you spend the rest of your life – Happy or Regretting. Therefore, acquiring the right knowledge is essential to your relationship and marriage plans, also understanding the characteristics that makes your uniqueness as people coming together would play a huge role in your relationship, thus discussing the personality differences in relationship would save couples a lot of emotional pains.
Art and Laraine Bennett says “The most important factor in a happy marriage is not being of like personality. Rather, what seems to make marriages happy is when husband and wife share core values and a commitment to the relationship; to honouring and respecting each other and meeting each other’s needs”.
So the act of attempting to sculpt our spouses into our own likeness fails before it begins. God made us unique with our own particular style of ‘being’ and much of our personality patterns come with the package. The saying ‘I’m ok, you’re ok’ can be applied to personality differences for it reflects that no one style is better than the other, our difference is an expression of God’s given diversity.
We each have our uniqueness varying from extroversion to inversion, as well as preferences, patterns for perceiving information, making decision, and structuring our life and time. When we try to change our spouse’s natural personality pattern, we negate his or her essential goodness and usually cause resentment, hurt and distrust.
So having known all this how can one contain or live frictionlessly with a partner of opposite traits, well it is as simple as it is difficult, but the passion that comes with love makes it easier, so if you really love this person, follow me;
IDENTIFY & ACKNOWLEDGE: This is one importance of knowing your temperament traits as well your partner’s even before you go into a romantic relationship (this is one essence of Friendship), until you identify his personality traits you wouldn’t know why he thinks and behave the way he does, so it is important you study her closely, find out the ’whys’ behind her actions. There’s a wise saying; ‘Do not judge by the actions of a person, rather by their deepest motives’. So do not think of them as being selfish when they do what they do, it’s just an expression of who they are, it is crucial that you know their personality and temperament traits first.
There are four temperament traits and 16 personality traits, but I’ll give a brief explanation on the temperament traits alone, do well to do a thorough study yourself, it will do you more good than stress.
The Four Temperament traits;
Sanguine (The Talker): This personality type is described as being highly talkative, enthusiastic, active, and social. They are extroverted and enjoy being part of the crowd; they find socializing pleasurable and easy; they have a magnetic charm and thus find it easy to socialize. They tend to be adventurous.
Strengths; Magnetic, have a potential to be popular, optimistic, they can be a good hype man and cheerleader.
Weaknesses; tends to be irresponsible, easily distracted, talks too much, too loud.
Basic desire; fun.
Choleric (The Doer): This type of individuals are more extroverted, they are described as being independent, decisive, goal-oriented, and ambitious, all these traits combined with their dominant, result-oriented outlook make them natural leaders.
Strengths; these have been described above.
Weaknesses; tends to be bossy, short-tempered and impatient.
Basic desire; control
Melancholic (The Thinker): people of this personality tend to be analytical and detail-oriented, they are known for their introspection. They are more introverted and try to avoid being singled out in a crowd. These traits makes the individual self-reliant, reserved and often anxious. Melancholic personality births a perfectionist and a conscientious individual.
Strengths; organized, detail oriented, good listener, introspective.
Weaknesses; very sensitive; could be easily hurt, tends to suffer emotional pain than the other traits, self withdrawal.
Basic desire; Perfection
Phlegmatic (The Peacemakers): this type of individuals tends to be relaxed, peaceful, quiet and easy-going. They are sympathetic and care about others, yet they try to hide their emotions. These individuals are also good at generalizing ideas or problems to the world and making compromises.
Strengths; dependable, steady, easy going
Weaknesses; lazy, indecisive, tends to be a stoic which sometimes leads being misunderstood
Basic desire; peace
Having explained that, I guess some things are already coming to limelight.
UNDERSTAND & BE GENEROUS: “There’s great value in exploring a couple’s personality match to gain a clearer understanding of self, our spouse, and how our styles impact our relationship. Identifying similarities and differences helps couples understand the dynamics of their relationships more clearly, but generosity towards each other is still key to personality compatibility. If we choose to see our differences as GIFTS, we are drawn towards greater acceptance. When we concentrate on our spouse’s strengths and complimentary style, we can appreciate and affirm rather than criticize. Since no personality is better than another, we can choose to give up our superior attitudes as well.” – Words of Judy Clark.
I believe Judy Clark’s point is quite understandable, however, I’ll like to add that; Until partners of different personality traits understand themselves mutually, there’ll be no harmony because as their personality are different, so is their perspective of life, preferences, and decision making.
Understanding which will lead to appreciation is the only way a serious lady can marry a clowning guy, this is what Vincent and Angela fails to see, the strengths of the each other, if Vincent could understand that it’s only natural for Angela to socialize easily with people unlike him, he would learn to give her more space to express herself, same with Angela; if she would reason that Vincent is more introverted than she is, and thus socializing might be a drag for him, if these two can listen to each other and see from each point of view, there would be less friction in their relationship, same with the other couples.
APPRECIATE: I’d firstly say that until there’s understanding, there’ll be no appreciation, until Belle understand that Rex is a perfectionist, she won’t appreciate his conscientiousness or see the need for it. It is important in every relationship that partners know and appreciates each other’s strength and learn from them. So Angela can learn to be more coordinated from Rex, but that can only happen if she appreciates him and not talk him down or try to negate his efforts, same with Rex, if he could listen to her and understand that she feels more restricted than coordinated, he would approach her in a more subtle way about being conscientious.
MEET THE MIDDLE AND BE EACH OTHER’S STUDENT: Stephen R. Covey says “People often want other people to change but themselves, but change starts from within”, Judy Clark also says that “We tend to overuse personality pattern with which we are most comfortable. When this occurs, our corresponding limitations become more glaring”, this usually happens when the extrovert becomes overwhelming or the introvert, non communicative. It is important we strike a balance when acting as regards our traits, it’s true we shouldn’t change each other, nor ourselves cause our diversity is God given, but we can grow mature for the betterment of the relationship, You’d agree with me that who we’ve become today is as a result of ‘nature’ – the qualities and potential we were born with – and ’nurture’ – how we’ve groomed those qualities and potentials, and I may add culture – our habit over time, so if we groom our personality in a way that it complements that of our partner there will be harmony in the relationship.
We should learn to come out of our comfort zone, or hiding lace and learn from each other, if couples with different personality can reason that one’s weakness can be another’s strength, there would be less friction and more learning in the relationship.
The beauty of marriage is influence; when both people involved can influence each other, but this can only happen when they see each other’s quirks as valid as their own, appreciates each other’s strengths and help each other’s weaknesses.
If Tammie can learn from Sheriff to listen more, and understand that there’s always a time to talk, there would be less friction in the relationship, he also can learn from her to be more outspoken, if these two persons can make a generous effort to curb the overuse of their pattern preferences and learn from each other, they would make the ‘perfect’ couple, then the saying “I’m OK, you’re Ok” becomes a reality.
But all this is a mere illusion if the heart is not willing, so both persons should be willing to make these sacrifices if they truly love each other.
What if I and my Partner are of the same personality? Well good for you, you both would enhance such natural gift, but be mindful so you both don’t trip over obstacles that you guys are potentially blind to – I’m sure you know what that means.
Well having explained all that, there’s only little to talk about on Compatibility, it comes when you both;
Share core values, principles and similar philosophy of life, this is because all these affects to a large extent how the relationship would run, and on which foundation it will be built on.
Committed to growing each other,” The man or woman you marry today will not be the same person in a year, five years or ten years. The happiest couples are those committed to their own respective growth as well as their growth as a couple. Your relationship is a place to heal any unfinished business from childhood.” – Megan Fleming.
So these are things you should look out for in someone who you want to spend the rest of your life with.
Remember that ‘Knowledge is only potential power until it is organized into practical plans of action and directed into a definite goal’, so knowing this is not enough but doing it essentially is what matters, so ‘do something productive with your knowledge’
Orji David X Sheriff Suleman
I hope you find this enlightening, or what do you think? Let us know in the comment section below.
Visit vinccyrex.blogspot.com to read edifying articles like this, it would do you more good than stress.
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